One of the many things that changed once I made the leap from working full-time to freelance was the way I view and use my income. Working full-time, the steady paycheck was nice but living in New York with a New York lifestyle meant I was living paycheck-to-paycheck. Saving was always a challenge, and vacations and other cost-of-living benefits were usually at least partially subsidized by credit card debt. I carried a balance on all five of my credit cards and felt constantly like I was barely treading water. A lot of this was my own fault – I allowed myself to be financially irresponsible because I felt so overworked and drained that I "rewarded" myself with going out, buying new things, and blowing money whenever I felt like it.
The shift into taking more control of my life and finances coincided also with some personal growth where I really tried to take a look at myself and why I was so unhappy. I saw a therapist, I began meditating and tried to get in touch with the sense of self I had lost in the past few years. Not to sound too new-agey, but once the change happened and the thorn was removed, I was able to heal surprisingly fast. I've lost a lot of the desperation I used to feel of constantly never having enough. My income comes much more sporadically, but I've been fortunate enough to pay off all my debt in the past year, and also save much more without the constant desire to buy something or go out to fill the hole I used to feel. I've been able to set personal goals for once beyond taking a vacation in six months, like buying a home or starting my own business, which always seemed completely out of reach.
The first month I wasn't working, I stayed in and ate everything in the house – canned soups, pasta, toast. I renegotiated our cable bill down and began trying to minimize, donating clothing and getting rid of some of the crap that I'd been blindly accumulating. In my spare time, I searched online for more tips on this new lifestyle I was trying to embark on, and discovered the huge community of individuals minimizing and living "frugally," and even on the further end of the spectrum, homesteading or living off the grid.
Being self-sufficient is incredibly addicting! I've fantasized about growing my own food, learning how to create things I need, and waste less. I try to learn new skills in my down time. I go out less often. I repair damaged clothes/shoes instead of tossing and replacing them. I find myself checking the per unit prices when grocery shopping and spending more time comparison shopping. I still slip up from time to time but have lost most of the obsessive compulsion to chase things that I used to have – instead I try and channel that energy into this new and healthier outlet, and I'm so grateful to have found it. I feel much more in control of more aspects of my life, and have less anxiety about the things I can't control. I feel free.
